After babysitting my niece during the birth of her little sister I want to talk about how much (re)found appreciation and respect I have for parents!
When I imagine looking after Trinity I see this lovely fluffy day where everything runs more or less the same/smoothly as any other day only, I have a little human with me as a cherry on top….(oh Jordan)
Even the simplest task…no longer simple! And I’m not stupid you know, I was already aware of that but when you don’t have kids yourself you just kind of…forget!
Whenever we make plans with Kat and Ryan we just whack a time on it and expect that to be that! I fail to remember that they’re not in full control of Trinity’s nappy schedule, sleep pattern and mood!
Simply trying to feed and dress us both ready for a morning of soft play followed by a wander around the town for a spot of Christmas shopping- was a slap around the face by reality and just getting out the door felt like an accomplishment…
My mind went straight to Kat and Ryan and how in actual fact…when they arrange to set off to meet us, that is NOT when their day actually starts and a wave of respect and appreciation came over me.
We never made it to the town, we didn’t get to soft play until 1pm and by the time Trinity had ran around for 2 hours, we were heading to meet Miya from school and before I knew it, it was 6pm and time to take Trinity back home to Mum and Dad!
This may seem like a bit of a random blabby blog post but the point I’m trying to make is:
In just those 10 hours I’d just about managed the bare minimum…
I totally forgot to brush my teeth, I didn’t drink a drop of water, I managed one meal, completely lost my sense of control and productivity and felt this strange isolation from the rest of ANYTHING else going on in life around me.
Attempting to reply to my texts and calls was stress inducing, my usual good habits were nowhere to be seen- that failure made me anxious and irritated then every now and again…when I would remember all the other things like my blog and my studies my stomach filled with dread!
All in just ONE DAY!!!
I could slow down and remind myself- it’s just today, looking after Trinity WAS your priority today so forget the other stuff!
Throw your phone into the darkest pits of your bag until you have your usual free time to sit down and really focus on it tomorrow (time Ryan and Kat don’t ever truly have anymore)
I simultaneously had so much appreciation for them as well as so much gratitude for the time I DO have (yet may take for granted sometimes!)
I’m supposed to be little miss self-care, I pride myself on the fact I’ve taken action on trying to get my life and sh*t together.
I honestly thought I’d take a “small” distraction like this in my stride…but my little systems completely broke down!
The difference about me now is that I can acknowledge how I felt and although I started to feel that guilt of failing and loss of control, I accepted it and forgave myself just as fast.
But that feeling was super scary…and the fact so many parents/Mums are working against that every day gave me a whole new outlook on parenthood and mental health.
Maybe it’s not as easy as…”just get on with it” or…”go work out” and “make sure you make time for yourself”…and I will forever be SO much more understanding of that and how so many struggle with depression and loneliness.
I’m very lucky I have so much time to work on myself due to my lack of responsibilities, so once my cup is full I am going to make the active effort to share the overflow even more!
Who’s with me?!